14 Things NOT to Say on Dates for Guys

1. “And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.”
2. “Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.”
3. “Dropping my pants just scared them. But when my underwear hit the ground… Man! I never knew Jehovah’s Witnesses could run that fast.”
4. “I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face.But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.”
5. “I like clay. It’s mushy.”
6. “I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.”
7. “I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.”
8. “I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years.Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.”
9. “I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you.”
10. “I used to come here all the time with my ex.”
11. “It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.”
12. “Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?”
13. “No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it’s not good to mix alcohol and penicillin.”
14. “People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.”