A Luxury That NO-ONE Can Afford

Last night I watched a TV documentary about one of the only two families whose members all survived the Warsaw Ghetto and the subsequent deportations to the Nazi death camps.

Not surprisingly, it made uncomfortable viewing – but the courage and resourcefulness of every member of the family were inspirational.

With both their parents missing and presumed dead, 12-year-old Margaret Frydman and her 8-year-old sister, Irene, were left to survive in way they could.

They were taken to a convent, where the nuns had to keep them hidden – the family was Jewish, and the penalty for sheltering a Jew in Poland at the time was death.

At one point, little Irene saw no-one at all for 14 days. She was given a supply of food which had to last her until someone could arrange to bring her more, but she had no idea when, if ever, that was going to be.

Many grown-ups would find it difficult to face being stuck in one small room, with no access to the outside world and not a glimpse of any other human being, for 14 days, let alone a little girl with no books, no toys, no idea of what had happened to her parents... and no real certainty that anyone would ever come to help her.

Worst of all, she'd no idea of what to do if no-one brought her any more to eat.

All four members of the family made it through the horrors of the Nazi occupation (their father had been held in Budapest, and their mother had survived a concentration camp), and thanks to Margaret's ingenuity they eventually were reunited.

Their parents have since died, but but both Margaret and Irene are alive and well.

Both qualified for good careers (Irene's still a much-sought-after dental expert), both have married and both have children and grand-children... and despite the ordeals that they've been through, both appear to be both physically and mentally unscathed.

Asked to explain how they'd not only stayed alive but weren't obviously traumatized for life, Irene had a very simple answer.

"Never," she said, with absolute conviction, "feel that you're a victim."

People who regard themselves as victims effectively are saying that they have no power. That attitude makes people helpless in the face of even the most minor difficulties or inconveniences.

By refusing to take responsibility for improving their situation, they deny themselves the opportunity to change things for the better. For the sake of a gratifying wallow in self-pity, they throw away the better, happier life that could be theirs.

Self-pity is a luxury that no-one can afford. It robs you of initiative, resilience, courage and resourcefulness. It saps your energy, ambition, self-esteem and self-respect.

If there's one attitude of mind that can destroy your hopes of getting anything you want from life, it's the "Nothing ever goes right for me" attitude of feeling like a victim. It's guaranteed to sabotage your every action, till it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Irene Frydman took courage, strength and sheer determination from her refusal, no matter what the circumstances, to see herself as any kind of victim. Success and happiness are only won by those who do the same.