The Slave In The Triumphal Chariot

In Ancient Rome, when a general won extra territory or crushed rebellion, he would be welcomed home with a triumphal procession through the city.

It was his big opportunity to show the crowds how much success he'd had - how many prisoners he'd taken, and how much treasure he'd come back with.

Beside him in his chariot there would ride with him one of the most important people in the whole procession - a slave, who from time to time would lean forward and whisper just one sentence in his ear: "You're only human."

Successful Roman generals had a track record of believing that a man who'd won a battle had a right to rule the world... and to get rid of anyone who argued.

Reminding them that they were only human, and subject to the same laws as the rest of Roman society, was therefore more than just encouragement to keep their triumph in perspective. For other generals and prominent citizens of Rome, it was also the best chance that they would stay alive.

Sometimes it can be hard to remember that we're only human, too. It's very right and proper to want the things you do to turn out perfectly the whole time... but life's not like that.

We get things wrong sometimes. We make mistakes. We lose our concentration for just a moment, and do something that makes us feel completely stupid. We lose our temper sometimes with the people closest to us, and say something sharp that hurts somebody's feelings.

The other side of the coin is that we sometimes have that done to us, as well. It's easy to remember every mean, wrong-headed thing our parents, teachers, bosses, friends and even partner have said or done to hurt us - and to forget the things they've got spectacularly right.

It's easy to demand perfection from ourselves and everyone around us - but it isn't very helpful. The truth is that we're not perfect - any of us. We sometimes need to cut ourselves, and everybody else, some slack.

Self-belief means expecting the best possible performance from yourself - but not the impossible; self-esteem means knowing you're not perfect, but respecting yourself for always trying to improve - and liking yourself, anyway.

Once you can accept it's neither necessary nor possible for you to be completely perfect, you can start to feel the same way towards others, too - and once you let go of your perfectionism and stop expecting them to do exactly what you want, exactly as you want it, all the time, it takes the stress out of relationships and makes getting on with people much, much easier... and much more fun.

Relax, and stop demanding the impossible. Remind yourself from time to time... you're only human.