Weather... Or Not

"The glass is falling, hour by hour;
The glass is falling ever -
But even if you break the glass
You still can't change the weather."

My apologies to Louis MacNeice for adapting one of his verses (to take out an expletive and still make sure the rhythm works), but it's the first thing that went through my head this morning when I looked out at the leaden sky and the steady, unremitting rain.

By the time I got back from my usual long walk - soaked, despite my supposedly protective clothing, for the third time in four days - I was thinking more in terms of the expletive than the poem.

Tapping the barometer with not a lot of gentleness, I had to remind myself that Louis MacNeice is right. Breaking the glass would achieve only a wrecked barometer and a horribly cut hand. It wouldn't change the weather in the slightest.

The trouble is, when things don't go the way they're meant to, it's an all-too-natural reaction to want to shoot the messenger... to take it out on the person who's just announced the train is running late, your sports team lost a vital game in the last minute, there aren't any theater tickets left - or that it's going to rain again tomorrow.

It's never pleasant to get criticism or abuse that you've done nothing to deserve, or to be blamed for something that you're powerless to change. Worse, someone who gets away with blaming you unjustly for something that's gone wrong will probably do it again... and again, till it becomes a habit with them.

It can happen in relationships, in the family, in a social setting, or at work. Wherever it happens, it needs to be tackled - before it gets a hold. Once it does, it's very hard to stop. By then, you're being bullied.

If you let yourself be regularly blamed, shouted at, criticized or in any way disrespected in a situation where such behavior is undeserved, one or more of the following things will happen:-

1) You'll get so demoralized you'll make mistakes - lots of them. The criticism will then be claimed to have been justified;

2) You'll become so defensive you'll react badly even to the expectation that a criticism's coming. This will likewise be hailed as proof that you deserve it;

3) The abuse will get so bad you'll have no choice but leave the situation.

That could mean a broken relationship, a ruined family life, losing your friends, or being forced out of your job.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the damage to your confidence in any one of those areas will have a very negative impact on the others, too; or

4) You'll eventually become so crushed you'll just give up. You'll feel like life's just not worth living, and as if you don't have any choices any more.

That's absolute despair. You don't deserve that - no-one does.

Dealing with being bullied or abused is hard, especially if the bully is your partner or your boss. It takes a lot of calmness, as well as courage, to stand up to someone without resorting to their own tactics - seeing the victim angry or upset unfortunately seems to be something an abuser throughly enjoys.

(Incidentally, the abuse referred to here is the verbal kind, as in excessive and unreasonable blame or criticism. If abuse ever turns physical you need professional help, such as the police. Violence against a partner, a child or anyone else is against the law, and you're entitled to protection.)

The way out is to become much more assertive - not aggressive, but simply able to stand up in a civilized manner for your rights, your aspirations, your opinions, and yourself.

If you need some help in doing that, you might want to check out a subliminal audio track called Project Your Real, Dynamic Self, and let it help you to get rid of the anxiety and inhibition being bullied causes you and to assert yourself appropriately to deal with it.

Super-Charge Your Self-Belief and Turbo-Charge Your Self-Esteem are other tools that can help you to repair the damage.

Please, don't let yourself be ground down by a bully... because otherwise the glass that's broken will eventually be you.