8 ways to go from slacker to genius at work

There’s an easy formula for becoming a slacker: Do nothing. Go get more coffee. Repeat. However, what is the key to staying a true slacker at heart, but keep your job, and be raved about like a corporate messiah? “It’s all about appearances”, said Dilbert creator Scott Adams, who listed low-cost ways to achieve high impact genius-dom at work.

1. Complain that you’re totally swamped at every opportunity. Use phrases like “am neck deep in turbulence” and “jumping from one fire to another” to make your job sound all shades of sexiness and dangerousness.
2. Carry a piece of paper wherever you go. Also give yourself the necessary urgent facial expression and body language, imagine it’s something incredibly important, like a stay of execution from the governor.
3. Never clean your cubicle. After all, how else are you suppose to show the real sweat and grit of your efforts at work?
4. Emailing looks like work. Emailing is work, so email friends and family often.
5. If you feel like talking instead of working, talk to your boss. That counts as work no matter what you’re chatting about. The ideal topic of conversation is how poorly all of your coworkers are performing.
6. If you wear glasses, leave an old pair on the desk as though you will be right back. Then go home.
7. Leave voice mails for coworkers at 1:00 am, even if you’re getting up just to take a whiz. If you really want to inspire awe, leave a message for your boss with your thoughts on the company’s outdated filing system at 11:30 pm on New Year’s Eve.
8. Be sure to get involved in unquantifiable projects. You want to be doing a lot of consulting and advising and attending. Avoid anything with a hard and fast deadline. Try to answer questions with another question. And use vague yet foreboding words like somewhere, somehow, might possibly, indefinitely etc.

Now you have learned the art of slacking at work, do go out and try it at work and keep us posted about the results!

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