The Yellow Rose Of Winter

You can say it's down to global warming if you like (though thanks to the frosts we've been having this week it doesn't feel much like it), but just two streets away from here, behind a low wall and with some savage-looking thorns on either side of it, there blooms one single yellow rose.

No, it's not the "last rose of summer" sort of flower - you know the kind of thing, where it's been blooming for a while and it's just to say managing to hang on to its half-way withered petals.

This one is a real, live, brand-new, very healthy-looking, fragrant yellow rose.

I've been watching the bud for a few days now, not really daring to believe that such a flower could possibly be going to emerge in the middle of December, especially after all the frost... but it's defied the elements, and there it stands in all its beauty and its inspiration.

It seems to lift the spirits of everyone who sees it. People stop to admire it, and wave to the lady who hovers just inside the window, anxiously watching as if she's scared that someone's going to take it home with them (yes, I admit the thought had crossed my mind - but no, I wouldn't really).

People who've seen the rose already smile indulgently at those who are staring at it, awestruck, for the first time. Total strangers greet each other as they marvel at the unexpected sight. This rose is causing a real stir in the neighborhood.

So, where's the useful lesson in all this?

Well, the key lies in just what the rose is doing. Regardless of what other roses do, like blooming in the summertime, this one is simply doing what comes naturally - to it.

No-one's ever told it that it that it's not supposed to flower in December. No-one's conditioned it to believe it should feel guilty that it's bloomed too late for this year's summer and it's way ahead of next year's.

Regardless of the calendar, that rose has simply felt the urge to flower, and, to the delight of all the neighborhood, has vigorously and uninhibitedly gone ahead and done it.

It's simply followed the inner prompting to do all that it can do, and to be all that it can be... and that's exactly what we're all supposed to do.

You own talent doesn't need to be as unexpected and as startling as a rose that flowers in December. It can be something so commonplace that you see it only as the equivalent as one of the many daisies in the grass in springtime.

It doesn't matter in the slightest what it is... as long as it's your own, and you develop it and use it to the best of your ability, in some direction that your deepest inner prompting urges you.

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The unexpected blossoming of just one yellow rose has brightened the lives of all those who have seen it. If you, too, will only be all you can be and do all you can do, you, also, will enrich the lives of many people - and the most important one will be your own.

Untying The Elephant

I read recently that elephants used in logging work (in some terrain they're apparently the only way of moving heavy logs around) are kept tethered by a single rope around one leg when they're not working. They can move around, but the rope apparently keeps them from wandering away from the camp.

Frankly, it doesn't sound like much of an existence... but the strange thing is, they don't need to put up with it. An elephant weighs tons, and there's just no rope on earth could hold one that decided to break free.

Why don't they, then?

Because they've been conditioned to accept the rope since they were babies. When they're first tethered they're small and weak enough that straining against it does no good. They haven't got the strength to break it.

This is where the elephants' famous memories work against them. They never forget trying to break the rope and failing to do so. Because they couldn't break the rope when they were babies, they assume they just can't break it - ever.

That's why one single rope can hold a fully-grown elephant... because the elephant will never, ever, even think of breaking it.

What's even worse - most people do the same. Most people who are told as children that they aren't very good at something will believe that, and as grown-ups they never try again.

It might just be that they needed practice, or to be taught a better way of doing it than a child would know. Sometimes they might be shy, and need encouragement. Maybe it's just been that a parent was tired or irritable, stressed, or simply in a hurry, and hasn't had the patience to watch or listen properly.

Whatever the reason, words like "You're hopeless!" or "You'll never get it right!" or being laughed at by someone whose good opinion matters to you can all too easily turn into the equivalent of the rope around the elephant's ankle - a shackle that will never be recognized as the weak and powerless thing it really is, but which will hog-tie the person that it's been inflicted on... for life.

Fortunately, humans have the capacity to change their thinking. If you can learn to recognize the outdated limitations that have so far held you back from where you want to be, you can break them just as surely as an elephant could break a rope.

What would you really love to do that you're not doing now? Professionally or personally, a career, an interest or a hobby - it doesn't matter. What unfulfilled ambition have you buried in your mind because someone once sneered at you and told you that you never would achieve it?

It's important that you're absolutely honest with yourself here. Being discouraged or derided as a child is a painful and embarrassing experience, and many people cope with it by burying the whole incident, along with their ambition, in the deepest recess of their mind so that they don't ever have to feel that way again.

Well, you don't have to feel that way again. You don't need to relive the bad experience - just bring out that ambition, and take another look at it.

Why did you want it - and do you still?

If it's simply something that you've honestly outgrown, that's fine. You've taken the sting out of a bad memory, and you don't have to concern yourself with it any more.

Before you consign it to oblivion, though, ask yourself one more question about it.

In a perfect world, if you could be quite sure that going for it wouldn't get you hurt again, and that you really have the talent that would help you to achieve it, and you couldn't fail, and people would applaud your skill, not laugh at you for lack of it, would you still want to walk away from it?

Isn't there a tiny voice inside that's asking wistfully, "What if...?"

If so, remember that almost any skill can be learned by almost anyone who really wants to master it... and that your happiness comes not from what you get from life, but from the creative energy that you put into doing something that you love.

Remember, too, that people who (usually unintentionally) inflict that kind of inhibition on a child are often less than knowledgeable critics.

A parent who says you can't sing may not have the faintest clue about the kind of music that you want to sing.

The teacher who derided your computer skills because you forgot to use the spell-check on a homework assignment may not even be aware of what you can do with spreadsheets, or how you can design a story-board for potentially money-spinning games.

Siblings tease because they're siblings - that's just how they are.

Most people who mock others' dreams have never even tried to reach their own.

Don't let the rope that someone's disapproval tied around your ankle when you were a child prevent you, like the elephant, from going where you really want to go.

Visit Supreme-Success.com instead, and find out how you can achieve ambitions that you'd thought were lost to you forever.

Weather... Or Not

"The glass is falling, hour by hour;
The glass is falling ever -
But even if you break the glass
You still can't change the weather."

My apologies to Louis MacNeice for adapting one of his verses (to take out an expletive and still make sure the rhythm works), but it's the first thing that went through my head this morning when I looked out at the leaden sky and the steady, unremitting rain.

By the time I got back from my usual long walk - soaked, despite my supposedly protective clothing, for the third time in four days - I was thinking more in terms of the expletive than the poem.

Tapping the barometer with not a lot of gentleness, I had to remind myself that Louis MacNeice is right. Breaking the glass would achieve only a wrecked barometer and a horribly cut hand. It wouldn't change the weather in the slightest.

The trouble is, when things don't go the way they're meant to, it's an all-too-natural reaction to want to shoot the messenger... to take it out on the person who's just announced the train is running late, your sports team lost a vital game in the last minute, there aren't any theater tickets left - or that it's going to rain again tomorrow.

It's never pleasant to get criticism or abuse that you've done nothing to deserve, or to be blamed for something that you're powerless to change. Worse, someone who gets away with blaming you unjustly for something that's gone wrong will probably do it again... and again, till it becomes a habit with them.

It can happen in relationships, in the family, in a social setting, or at work. Wherever it happens, it needs to be tackled - before it gets a hold. Once it does, it's very hard to stop. By then, you're being bullied.

If you let yourself be regularly blamed, shouted at, criticized or in any way disrespected in a situation where such behavior is undeserved, one or more of the following things will happen:-

1) You'll get so demoralized you'll make mistakes - lots of them. The criticism will then be claimed to have been justified;

2) You'll become so defensive you'll react badly even to the expectation that a criticism's coming. This will likewise be hailed as proof that you deserve it;

3) The abuse will get so bad you'll have no choice but leave the situation.

That could mean a broken relationship, a ruined family life, losing your friends, or being forced out of your job.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the damage to your confidence in any one of those areas will have a very negative impact on the others, too; or

4) You'll eventually become so crushed you'll just give up. You'll feel like life's just not worth living, and as if you don't have any choices any more.

That's absolute despair. You don't deserve that - no-one does.

Dealing with being bullied or abused is hard, especially if the bully is your partner or your boss. It takes a lot of calmness, as well as courage, to stand up to someone without resorting to their own tactics - seeing the victim angry or upset unfortunately seems to be something an abuser throughly enjoys.

(Incidentally, the abuse referred to here is the verbal kind, as in excessive and unreasonable blame or criticism. If abuse ever turns physical you need professional help, such as the police. Violence against a partner, a child or anyone else is against the law, and you're entitled to protection.)

The way out is to become much more assertive - not aggressive, but simply able to stand up in a civilized manner for your rights, your aspirations, your opinions, and yourself.

If you need some help in doing that, you might want to check out a subliminal audio track called Project Your Real, Dynamic Self, and let it help you to get rid of the anxiety and inhibition being bullied causes you and to assert yourself appropriately to deal with it.

Super-Charge Your Self-Belief and Turbo-Charge Your Self-Esteem are other tools that can help you to repair the damage.

Please, don't let yourself be ground down by a bully... because otherwise the glass that's broken will eventually be you.

The Secret Of The Works Canteen

A girl was working in a company canteen. It was just a vacation job so that she could make some money before going on to university, and it was hard work, too, but she was loving every minute of it.

Part of her job was to go in early and have the boiler lit and breakfast ready for her colleagues when they got there. She liked the responsibility, and it meant extra money for her, too – but there was just one problem. The boiler was practically impossible to light.

An engineer took pity on her. Every morning he'd be waiting for her at the station, then he'd take her in his car to work, and light the boiler for her. In return she'd make him breakfast, and the two would chat across their steaming mugs of coffee.

She thought he probably just did it out of kindness, but she was hoping desperately that it meant more than that. Fresh from a convent school, she didn't have a clue how to encourage him... and she was sure he was aware of how she felt about him, anyway. He was 7 years older than she was, after all. If he didn't make a move, it surely had to mean he didn't want to.

The weeks passed, and her vacation job was over. The engineer said nothing, and the girl went home and cried herself to sleep.

She went on to university, and it was several years before she heard of him again. She ran into a friend of his, and asked after the boy she'd liked so much - only to be told that he'd died, just recently, in a tragic accident. She was devastated, and asked if he had left a wife and children.

"No," his friend said sadly. "He never even had a steady girlfriend. The only girl he ever cared about was you." The girl was bewildered.

"But he never even asked me out!" she said. The man couldn't meet her eyes.

Embarrassed, he admitted that the workmates of the engineer had teased him mercilessly about his canteen girlfriend, who, they said, was only making use of him and would forget him the moment that she didn't any longer need his help.

Girls on their way to university, they'd said, just don't go out with small-town engineers.

"My own father's an engineer who comes from a small town," she retorted, "and I'm very proud of him!" The man had tears in his eyes.

"We never meant him any harm," he said. "It was intended as a joke, that's all. We never thought he'd take it seriously. When you left, we just assumed you hadn't wanted to go out with him. We never realized that we'd put him right off asking you!"

Once again, the girl went home in tears - not just of grief, but also anger and frustration that they'd both been too inhibited and shy to go for what they'd so much wanted.

Worse still, they'd both gone right on thinking far too lowly of themselves to dare make contact later, even though she realized now he must have wanted to as much as she did... and there was no way now that it could ever be put right.

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